A Reflection On “The Summer From Hell”
My grandfather always taught me an important lesson in life: If you must fall, make sure you fall forward, never backward. I believe in order to actually move forward in all aspects of life, you must take a deep look at the past and attempt to squeeze any potential learnings. These words from my grandfather made me want to resurface a piece I wrote on what I now deem, “The Summer From Hell”.
I’ll start this off by saying the tragic deaths of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, along with the countless number of young Black members of our society have left me with no choice but to speak my mind on a subject that is both painful and, for most, uncomfortable to discuss.
These events, along with the events of the very recent past, have left me feeling a multitude of things: sad, angry, frustrated, fed up, helpless, hopeless. Too many times have I witnessed these events, just to feel those emotions come and go. “Until next time” my soul achingly utters to me. Too many times have I felt this anguish, this indignation towards our societal injustices, for nothing to be done. On one hand, I want to be out there with my fellow Americans fighting for equality, no matter the repercussions. On the other hand, I fear for my safety and the safety of those who are exercising their civil liberties by organizing peacefully. Time and time again, I’ve found myself sitting in the middle of these two decisions and I’ve done nothing. Now is different. I can honestly say that I’ve never felt more compelled to stand up and speak out than I do right now.
Many of my friends, family, and fellow coworkers are feeling and going through the same thing that I’m going through at this moment. We’re tired. We’re exhausted from not only attempting to cope with this, but we’re also tired from the mental strain it puts on us. Being Black in America is an everyday thing. My parents had to give me that unfortunate lecture when I was younger, “People will look at and treat you differently, based on the color of your skin.” It is something that I’ve carried with me my entire life. Being Black isn’t some trendy jacket that we put on in the morning when it’s chilly and convenient but take off when things warm up and get uncomfortable. We have to LIVE this, day in and day out. There is no exit strategy. This is something that we’ve had to maneuver our entire lives. There are times where I feel like being Black in America is a burden. Sometimes I feel the need to subdue my “Blackness” to not come across as “too Black”. I, myself, carry the burden of walking into a store and being watched or followed. I find myself overcompensating for people who are not Black, just to make sure they feel comfortable in my presence. My heart literally skips a beat every time I drive past or walk past a police officer, not because I’m doing anything wrong, but because I fear for my life and my wellbeing. This is a way of life, unfortunately.
When we turn on the news to see that there has been yet another Black soul murdered at the hands of those who are put in place to protect us, it hurts as if we were the ones bearing the brunt of that excessive force. It’s one thing to be able to tune in and tune out. It’s another thing to be engulfed so deeply in something that you have no control over. It literally brings tears to my eyes to see the same thing happen over and over, it’s been a played-out record for a long time now. To go out into the world after these events and put a smile on our faces and pretend like everything is okay is daunting. Being able to show up to work every day, albeit virtually, and perform our responsibilities to the best of our abilities with all of this weighing on our hearts is a feat in itself. I constantly ask myself, “Where do we go from here?”
I will say this, there has never — in my life — been a more significant time to stand up for racial injustice and bias in America. You can’t hide from it anymore. The time has passed where we turn on the news and say, “Oh, what a shame.” People are fed up. The time where this movement has fallen on deaf ears is no more. Silence is enabling by association. Simply put, remaining silent on this issue is just as bad as being the problem. By remaining silent, we are allowing society to keep sweeping this under the rug. By actually speaking up and giving yourself a platform to stand up for your Black friends, colleagues, associates, and family, we are laying the foundation for progress.
We know these conversations are difficult and extremely uncomfortable, but these are conversations that need to be had, and not just among People of Color. Many people might not be ready to have this conversation just yet, and that is and should be completely understandable. People cope with things differently. Some people prefer to have space and that is fine. Others might be extremely angry, hurt, distraught, and might completely dismiss a conversation altogether, which shouldn’t be taken personally. Some people just need a moment. A moment to recollect. A moment to dig deep within themselves to try to muster up a response. It’s going to take time.
This isn’t just a Black thing, this is a people thing. This is a humanitarian thing. This isn’t a subject that I expect to go away any time soon. I still encourage you to reach out to your Black colleagues and check on them. Research what you can do to get involved. Donate to a cause. Go out and (peacefully) protest. Don’t be afraid to “say the wrong thing” because not saying anything or taking any action at all is far, far worse. Having these painful, difficult conversations with your coworkers or friends is par for the course. The point of these conversations isn’t to “educate” you on what it’s like to be Black in America. The objective isn’t to make you feel sorry for something that is out of your control and mine. The point isn’t for you to admit the so-called “White Guilt.” We’re all guilty if we simply stand by and do nothing. Myself included. I think feeling uncomfortable as a body of people is the first step in healing and progressing. It’s not until everyone is equally mad, upset, angry, and simply, fucking fed up with the state of our country, do we start to make a change. So, have those uncomfortable conversations with your peers. Go out and vote. Contact your elected officials. Donate to a cause. Volunteer in your community. Go out and protest. Use your voice, because staying silent is detrimental to us all.
I’m taking a moment and I hope you take yours too.